The Lazy Bastard / Alcohol by Volume

Written for: Balikbayan Magazine, 2017
Photos by: Noel Ty

Grease is the word at Lazy Bastard. Just look for the uncanny sign along Jupiter Street that reads “Bacon and burgers this way”, as they wave their fast food flag with extreme hubris. Located in the same building as Mitsuyado Sei-Men and Yamato Bakery, this semi-secret joint houses a few tables, chalkboard wall, and the Instagram-famous neon signage that announces their philosophy of “Long Live Bacon.” With a space so quaint and simple inspired by your typical downtown New York pub, the food selection is equally devoid of pretentiousness.

Their menu – composed of burgers, hotdogs, and an unapologetic amount of bacon – is fit for, well, a lazy bastard looking for comfort at the end of a long day. While their potato buns and longganisa patties alone are worth a visit, why settle for your average sloppy joe when you can create a hedonistic, artistic experience out of your classic dog? A bevy of add-ons – from avocado and sauerkraut, to bacon kimchi and fat salad – is available at your sauce-laden fingertips.

And if that isn’t tickling your gastronomic fancy just yet, you can even make your own breakfast sandwiches. As their menu claims, “You dream it, you build it, we cook it!” Sounds a lot like a fat boy’s cholesterol-induced fantasies, doesn’t it? If you don’t feel like getting too creative with your meal, they’ve got signature grub at the forefronts of their carte du jour that is sure to satiate your carnivorous craving. Kimchi cooked in bacon fat, avocado and sour cream on a wiener, and chili mixed with Jalapeńo all sound like the product of a drunken hunger binge, but a bite will show you this Lazy Bastard is anything but. Our personal favorite? We swear by the honey parmesan dog – because shaved parmesan, honey drizzle, and arugula makes for a party in your mouth, and you’re going to wish you were invited.

But the celebration doesn’t end with hotdogs and hot tater tots. Past the eyebrow-raising food combinations and more, this restaurant lives up to its namesake with a penultimate trick up its sleeve. Like a quiet under-current beneath the waves of a scuttled watering hole, there lies Alcohol By Volume – a speakeasy-style cocktail bar behind the brick walls of the Lazy Bastard.

Disguised as an elevator shaft, when the maître d’ asks, “What floor?”, tell them the password and be transported to a world you wouldn’t believe is at the heart of a bustling Metropolis. Inspired by the 1920’s Prohibition era in New York, this secret lounge greets you with an intimate, dim-lit ambience and the most pristine spirits collection (including absinthe) on display in the city. Upon entering, soft chatter and jazz fills the room, while one can easily imagine making your way to the bar and mingling with Jay Gatsby himself.

Offering a plethora of drinks on and off menu (tip: ask for their “Bible” for a more extensive list), ABV’s resident bartenders are there to create a concoction fit for your tastebuds – whether you need a bourbon to alleviate your Monday blues, or wine to toast your Friday to. It’s as if the Lazy Bastard’s more sophisticated, elusive, older sister came to town, and you can’t not want in on her secret.